“Word soon reached Joab that the king was weeping and mourning for Absalom. As all the people heard of the king’s deep grief for his son, the joy of that day’s victory was turned into deep sadness. They crept back into the town that day as though they were ashamed and had deserted in battle. The king covered his face with his hands and kept on crying, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!” Then Joab went to the king’s room and said to him, “We saved your life today and the lives of your sons, your daughters, and your wives and concubines. Yet you act like this, making us feel ashamed of ourselves. You seem to love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that your commanders and troops mean nothing to you. It seems that if Absalom had lived and all of us had died, you would be pleased. Now go out there and congratulate your troops, for I swear by the Lord that if you don’t go out, not a single one of them will remain here tonight. Then you will be worse off than ever before.” So the king went out and took his seat at the town gate, and as the news spread throughout the town that he was there, everyone went to him. Meanwhile, the Israelites who had supported Absalom fled to their homes.”
‭‭‬‬

2 Samuel‬ ‭19‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT

One of the beautiful things about David is how he loved. In an interesting choice of words, Joab accuses David of loving those who persecute him. This is, of course, an echo of Christ who would do the same. However, the other side of that sentiment was also observed and led to rebuke. David also appeared to hate those who loved him. For a leader, this was a problem. Joab rightfully pointed out that it would lead to bitterness and resentment among the people he led. This would make the situation even worse than before. The wisdom Joab showed in this is a warning to us who are dealing with something difficult or are grieving. It is important that we not let our grief consume us. The process of grieving can often feel like it is the end of the world. It is certainly the end of something significant. But this is not the whole truth. And while we go through this process, the world keeps spinning, and life goes on. For those in leadership, there is a potential for great confusion or even an extreme dereliction of our duties if we view things so myopically. We must not forget to pay attention to the needs of the things we have not lost. We must continue to be holistic in our approach to life. Grieve truthfully, but not continue to tell the whole truth.

David’s Love and Hate: David loved those who persecuted him but also appeared to hate those who loved him, which Joab saw as a problem for a leader.

Joab’s Warning: Joab warned that David’s love and hate would lead to bitterness and resentment among the people, making the situation worse.

Grieving and Leadership: Grieving can consume us, but leaders must not let it cloud their judgment and neglect their duties.